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Plenty of people imagine open relationships to involve tons of casual, no-strings-attached sex and maybe even sex parties — that was my skeptical and insecure assumption before meeting people in open relationships.But open relationships aren't so much about more sex, just different sex.I get that it can be hard for a lot of people to understand.But it works for us, and it’s not as unusual as it seems. An open relationship is a form of non-monogamy, which is an umbrella term for any physical or romantic partnership that is not predicated on exclusivity. In this article I’m focusing on what Adam and I are and do: a committed couple that takes lovers.Dear Prudence, I'm a 27-year-old woman who recently made friends with a nice, attractive 34-year-old man.He asked me out for drinks soon thereafter and made it clear that he's interested in a romantic relationship.

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One married couple I’m friends with has a couple of girlfriends between them, and they also have their own partners (she has both male and female partners, and he has female partners). In fourth grade, I got in trouble with my boyfriend because he found out I had another boyfriend.Throughout high school and college, some of my relationships overlapped, and some were purely dishonest.It must be, or there wouldn’t be so much infidelity.Acknowledging this inevitability means my boyfriend and I can deal with it from within our relationship instead of pretending we’ll only ever have eyes (and maybe hands and lips and everything else) for each other.2.I can’t count the number of times I heard “You’re wasting your time” or “You’ll never meet anyone else.” But buoyed by the confidence and happiness that comes from a healthy relationship, I was more able to recognize and accept the right guy when he came along.And my experiences on the periphery of non-monogamy taught me a lot about relationships, lessons I’m applying in my new, monogamous relationship.1.Open relationships are consensually non-monogamous, and while the definitions vary, they usually involve a primary, committed partner with additional secondary partners on the side (as opposed to polyamory, which assumes multiple romantic partners).But I decided to get over the assumptions and just try it — and it changed so much of what I thought.We were both always aware of the existence of other lovers, but it was clear that we were each other's favorite.It occurred to us that we could keep the excitement and variety, and still let ourselves fall in love with each other. And since then I’ve gotten a lot of questions about how we make it work and why we would even do that in the first place.“When they leave me, it’s usually for The One,” my lover, Charles, said.I was gushing about the new man in my life, and Charles was adjusting admirably to the news. That’s the deal for a man in a polyamorous, open marriage who dates multiple partners.But society told me I had to be with one person at a time, with the goal of choosing one person forever. After a really great, long-term, successfully monogamous relationship ended, I was suddenly single in my late twenties and enjoying the freedom and the variety. Adam was fun and our chemistry was fantastic and rare, and though we kept it strictly physical, with those boundaries clearly defined throughout, spending time together was becoming the highlight.I would often fall into a cycle of trying to make that work but eventually letting temptation get the best of me, and failing both parties of the relationship; especially my partner. Eventually, the inevitable conversation came up naturally about what we were, and what we could be.




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