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Recently, my sister and I were discussing the male species — which, as relationship bloggers, happens QUITE frequently. However, this particular back-and-forth banter during our typical couch and tea-filled Monday night struck a chord with me.

The hot topic of conversation was all about a guy of interest who had done my sweet sis wrong.

The early phase of a dating relationship is all about getting acquainted, sizing each other up, and assessing unique qualities.

Standards about sexuality range from very conservative to very liberal.Even worse, confidence can easily be misconstrued so one has to tread carefully.The point is not confidence itself, but it’s easier to define by its opposite, fear. Fear defines a man as not knowing his own value, lacking a feeling of self worth, not being sure of his abilities, lacking in presence and determination.Surprisingly, this guy came back strong with apology after apology. He admitted fault, gave validation to her feelings, and promised to not let anything similar happen again. Honestly, we weren’t sure what was the most shocking about this situation: the fact that he came back with a positive versus negative response, or how terrible it was that we expected his response to be a negative one.He made sure to reaffirm everything he found attractive about the relationship, and to express how, even though things weren’t “official,” he was definitely interested and wanted to continue on the path toward their future together. It was just about then when we realized how f*cking tainted the single world has become.Singer Alicia Keys, who last had a Billboard hit with 2012’s “Girl on Fire,” was also at the DNC, speaking on a panel about civil rights and then performing in a coveted slot right after the former president’s speech.Makeup-free and clad in loose clothing, she sang a combination of old songs and new, including “In Common,” a romantic nod to populism.We’ll explain further, since our perspective on this begins long before this pleasantly surprising incident occurred.When a guy hurts us, treats us like shit, upsets us, or all of the above, our instincts are not to take action by calling the dude out. Instead, we begin a heated debate within our heads, and sometimes to the listening ears of our best girlfriends, asking a now too common question: to call him out or not?! When this dude originally committed his crimes, it was a really tough decision for my sister on whether she should call him out, ignore him, or if her hurt feelings should be cast aside to allow the relationship to continue as if nothing happened.Did it mean turning into a caveman never taking no for an answer? Every woman I have asked will answer in a different vein so the answer isn't all things to all men.Did it mean turning up at the door of the girl next door and whisking her off to Paris for the weekend, though we had hardly spoken? Confidence, it appears, is in the eye of the beholder.This I may add is very different from justifiable fear that we all face. Men are attractive when they are confident said one friend.Another told me, "ooh a confident man makes me go weak at the knees". A confident man it seems is one who carries with him a self-assuredness that is most definitely not arrogance.Every evolving romance encounters critical choices along the way. In Lewis Carroll’s classic “Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland,” the heroine comes to a fork in the road one day and sees a Cheshire cat in a nearby tree. These will likely include: Decision 1: Is There Enough Potential to Proceed? It’s helpful, then, for the individuals involved to be aware of decisions that will arise and make them clearly and deliberately.




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The first girl, he said, was “a little too tall,” and the second girl was “a little too short.” Then he met my mom. Let’s look at how I do things, maybe with a slightly less important decision, like the time I had to pick where to eat dinner in Seattle when I was on tour last year.


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