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Basically, people are people, and the people I date are more similar than different—my two serious partners have both been blazer-wearing writers who demand I “fix the back” after self-inflicted haircuts. They assure me that their sadness at girlfriended Camille has nothing to do with homophobia — they just don’t like how I’m being and how I’m ignoring their religious beliefs. My body image is a lot healthier when I’m with a woman—and that’s not because the men I’m with aren’t complimentary.

The real differences between life in an opposite-sex dating situation and life in a lesbian one come from people’s expectations and responses. Besides, it would be one thing if I was dating a lesbian neurosurgeon model author, but if she happens to work at an art house cinema/tutoring program/manicure place–she’s not going anywhere! In fact, I’ve been lucky in that none of my partners have ever criticized a single thing about my appearance.

I’m not to judge that one is better than the other, and mind you, my observations are based on my own experiences as well as a group of women I’ve interviewed in the last two years.

The below is a list of some of the themes and commonalities observed.

For women, exposure to stress-related cues triggered addiction impulses.

In this article, I want to talk about a few major differences I saw between Japanese and American dating cultures.

The thing is, they love my boyfriends, even though I’m incredibly secretive about them too (I’ve never once listed a relationship on Facebook, even when I’m living, and discussing possible futures, with someone), I do some pretty irreligious things with the boys as well, and they’re all writers, activists, or organic gardeners. The difference is that when I’m in a lesbian relationship, I spend hours every day looking at a woman who’s not airbrushed—and to whom I’m still incredibly attracted. My go-to date restaurant charges more for the same salad when I come in with a guy than when I come in with a woman.

When I’m with a guy, I’m not getting that reality check and sometimes I miss it. I don’t think that’s an example of anti-straight prejudice—I’m guessing it’s the male cashier’s attempt to flirt with me when he doesn’t think I’m already taken.

Now, when I discuss the differences between European and American, I’m referring to a mindset. American men on the other hand, tend to be goal oriented, with the aim of getting laid.

You can very well be born in America but have a more “European” mindset and vice versa. Perhaps this ‘score mentality’ is for bragging rights, perhaps it’s for validation so they can feel wanted and desired, or perhaps it’s a pure ego play.

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